Can Conflict Ever Be Healthy?

When you’re in a relationship, you might assume that by avoiding conflict altogether, you and your partner will be happier in the long run. Should you get into an argument, you may try to shut down the conversation as soon as possible and act like nothing happened. If you’re upset, you might tell yourself that it’s not worth bringing it up, because you don’t want to start conflict.

Yet attempting to avoid conflict in your relationship can breed resentment in the long run. In fact, occasional conflict can be a healthy aspect of relationships. But many people have never seen examples of healthy conflicts play out in real life. Here’s why conflict can actually be healthy. Plus, some tips for how you can approach conflict in a healthier way within your own relationship.

Disagreement Is Unavoidable 

First, it’s important to understand that conflicts and disagreements are unavoidable in any relationship. Conflicts and opposing points of view will naturally crop up in familial relationships, friendships, between coworkers, and within romantic relationships.

Many people have bought into the idea that butting heads in any way is an inherent sign that the relationship is doomed. But this couldn’t be further from the truth. The ability to handle conflict in a healthy way is actually a sign of a strong relationship with a bright future. On the other hand, people who go out of their way to suppress potential conflicts can end up holding back their anger for years. This can lead to explosive, damaging fights when they can no longer bite their tongues.

Fight the Problem, Not Each Other

The key to healthy conflict is addressing the problem at hand — rather than taking your anger out on each other. When you focus your energy on resolving a specific problem, rather than insulting each other or trying to figure out who is really to blame, you might be surprised by how productive and fruitful conflicts can actually be. It’s all about finding solutions that honor both of your needs.

Practice Staying Calm

When you’re upset, it’s not easy to stay calm. However, you can get the hang of a few practices that help you stay centered and grounded. You can prevent yourself from saying something you’ll regret later in the midst of a conflict. This can include deep breathing exercises or a calming mantra that you repeat in your head.

Additionally, you might want to step away for a few minutes if you’re feeling particularly heated. You can let the other person know that you still want to discuss the issue, but you just need time to cool down.

Choose Compromise Over Resentment

In order to turn a conflict into a positive opportunity for growth, both people involved need to be committed to finding compromise. Pushing one person to sacrifice too much for the sake of the other will only lead to resentment. This can spell out the end of a relationship. Compromise requires maturity and patience, but willingness to compromise forms the basis of a healthy relationship.

Conflict Presents Opportunities for Growth

Finally, welcoming conflicts can open up opportunities for growth. You can learn to be vulnerable in front of your partner and get comfortable with allowing them to see the real you. Furthermore, you can get used to advocating for yourself. Ideally, you'll understand what it looks like when someone respects your boundaries rather than trying to fight them. Conflict can bring you and your partner together.

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Are you struggling to navigate conflict in a healthy way? A therapist can help you shift your approach. Connect with us to learn more about booking your first session about couples counseling.