How to Break Free from Relationship Patterns

Do you find yourself falling into the same relationship patterns over and over again? Maybe you’ve dated multiple people who were unfaithful, or perhaps you tend to date partners who are emotionally distant. You might be attracted to people who struggle to handle conflicts without resorting to arguing and shouting. If you’ve had difficulties with substance abuse, you may have a hard time staying away from partners who fall into the same habits.

When it comes to romantic relationships, we often end up mirroring harmful relationship patterns that we learned from our parents or other important people who set examples for us as children. It’s challenging to step away from these patterns and commit to partners who truly care. Here’s how to break the relationship patterns that could be holding you back.

Take a Break from Dating

Maybe you’ve spent very little time single in between your most recent relationships. If you never have real “breaks” from relationships, you’ll never learn how to be content without a partner. When you have time for yourself, you can explore what you really want out of a relationship. Until you’re single for a longer stretch of time, you might not realize just how poorly some of your past partners treated you.

On your own, you’ll be able to determine what a peaceful, fulfilling life looks like for you as an individual. In time, you’ll be able to find a partner who adds value to your life, rather than detracting from it.

Practice Setting Small Boundaries

If you’ve been in a string of unhealthy relationships, you might have very little practice at setting boundaries. You may have gotten so used to lackluster treatment that you never thought to set minimum standards for a better relationship. To address this, try setting small, reasonable boundaries within your friendships, at work, and in your familial relationships. When you internalize the idea that you have the right to set boundaries, you’ll feel more confident about doing so in the context of a romantic relationship.

Get Comfortable With Self-Sufficiency

Perhaps you’ve always relied on your romantic partners for access to a big social circle, financial stability, or other opportunities. Taking the time to foster your own friendships, build a solid financial foundation for yourself, and gain self-sufficiency when it comes to tackling problems in life can show you that you do not need to settle for a bad relationship.

Take It Slow

Do you have a tendency to get attached to a romantic future with someone on your very first date? This is normal, but for people who have been in several unhealthy relationships in a row, it can be damaging. The next time you meet someone who interests you, take things slow. Keep making time for yourself, your friends, and your family while dating. Evaluate their character based on their actions, not their words, and resist the urge to jump right into a committed relationship with someone who you don’t actually know very well.

Consider Therapy

Sometimes, relationship patterns are rooted in behaviors that your parents engaged in during your childhood. It’s not easy to break cycles that might have persisted for generations in your family. If you’ve tried spending time on your own and setting boundaries, yet you haven’t noticed much positive change in your relationships, it might be time to work with a therapist. They can help you pinpoint the roots of your relationship issues and make lasting changes.

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Are you struggling to let go of unhealthy relationship patterns? Couples therapy can help you chart a new course. Reach out to us to find out more about our counseling services.