Balancing Act: A Guide to Managing Multiple Holiday Obligations for Couples

During the holiday season, it can be tough to balance all of your family obligations. If you and your partner tend to stretch yourselves thin every year running from one family event to another, you might be wondering how you can leave a little more room in your schedule in the future. You don’t want to make any of your relatives feel left out or unappreciated.

Yet at the same time, you feel like you barely get any time to yourselves throughout the holidays. You might have to travel long distances to see certain family members. Plus, you may be using a large percentage of your paid time off on holiday get-togethers.

Setting boundaries around your holiday commitments can be a tricky balancing act. These suggestions can make the process easier.

Be Honest About Your Scheduling Constraints

First, sit down with your partner to discuss how much time you really have for family gatherings during the holidays. Take your work schedules into consideration, any travel time necessary to attend these gatherings, invitations from local friends that you also want to prioritize, and any traditions you share as a couple that you want to make space for.

Once you have a good idea of your realistic availability, you can determine which invitations you’ll be able to accept. Make sure that you’re dividing up your commitments to spend approximately equal time with both of your families if possible.

Consider Going to Gatherings Separately

Maybe you’ve been invited to gatherings that are scheduled simultaneously. For example, your parents might be having a holiday party at their home, while your partner’s siblings all want to get together to celebrate a holiday tradition on the same weekend.

When you’re a couple, it can seem like you’re required to attend all holiday events together. But ultimately, you can decide what you want to do! Sometimes, going to one gathering while your partner goes to another is a simple way to make time for both of your families.

Talk to Your Families Early

It’s important to let your families know about your holiday plans early on. When they invite you to certain gatherings, tell them that you will check your schedules and get back to them about your attendance by a specific date. That way, they won’t be blindsided if you have to turn down an invitation. Turning down an invitation at the last minute, or cancelling on your family right before a gathering, can be a letdown.

Make Alternate Plans

What if you can’t attend some family gatherings, but you would still like to spend time with the people who will be there? It might be a good idea to suggest meeting up with them at a different time after the holidays. You may be able to travel to see them in the new year, or you might have an easier time coordinating a weekend get-together when your schedules aren’t so packed.

Suggesting alternate plans can reassure your loved ones that you still value the time you get to spend together.

Set Boundaries

When you tell people that you will not be able to attend some gatherings, they may be outwardly disappointed. It’s important to be clear about your boundaries. You do not need to use harsh language. Simply be straightforward about what you will be able to attend and explain the constraints on your schedule if asked. Remember, it’s not always possible to attend all holiday gatherings, and declining attendance is not wrong.

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If you’re having difficulty balancing family obligations as a couple during the busy holiday season, reach out today. Our couples therapists can help you communicate with your relatives and find an approach that works for you.